The Kurdish people have a rich history. They are believed by most historians to be descendants of the Medeans, who in the 7th Century BC, ruled an empire stretching from Modern day Turkey to India for 150 years. The grandson of the then king orchestrated a coup and replaced the political elite with Persians and then became king. He has come to be known as Cyrus the Great, a Kurd not a Persian. During the Crusades Al Aqsa was liberated by a great king known as Salahudine Al Ayubi, who was a Kurd and who even became known amongst his enemies as ‘Salahudine The Merciful’.
Today however the Kurds are one of the most oppressed peoples. In Turkey the PKK (Kurdish Workers Party) are outlawed and many have taken to the mountains and turned to guerrilla warfare. Turkey has tried to annihilate the Kurdish culture, language and even their identity. The Kurds also suffered ethnic cleansing when Saddam Hussein massacred entire villages in Iraq, and more recently we heard of 450 Kurds being killed, mainly women and children by “Al Qaeda” in Syria, in the group’s attempt to create a state in the north of the country. There is no doubt that the Kurds are a threatened minority in many countries.
However I believe we have found a solution to the “Kurdish Problem”. Think for a second about a country of Kurdistan, not in regions where the Kurds currently live, but in another continent altogether. My recommendation would be Britain as there are already 90,000 Kurds living peacefully alongside many other communities.
In order to do this we shall need the backing of a superpower, like for example China, who can count on us as an ally within an area with many anti-Chinese governments. In return China can supply the new “Kurdistan” with a nuclear arsenal.
There is a small problem. There are already 63 million people living in Britain, but this can be easily solved by pushing these people into Wales and East Anglia and allowing them to continue calling these regions Britain. We can continue to build Kurdish settlements on these regions and restrict the British people’s movement with roadblocks between towns. Building a wall around East Anglia may also be necessary. This might seem harsh but remember the massacres of Kurds in Iraq and Syria!
Of course we shall expect some resistance from the British people. But we can just label these people “terrorists” and “extremists”. Britain has engaged in many terrorist acts in the past, within Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya, not to mention imperial conquests, therefore it will not be hard to paint them as violent barbarians to the rest of the world. Also, every so often we can find an excuse to invade their regions and kill some of them to try and shut them up. Should the United Nations try to intervene, we can count on our Chinese friends to veto their decisions. This might be deceiving people, but remember the massacres of Kurds in Iraq and Syria!
Neither can we rely on support from the majority of Kurds, as they most likely will believe in stupid ideas like “Human Rights”. However once again there is a solution. We can label them “Self Hating Kurds”. We must encourage Kurds to come as much as possible by giving them free houses with swimming pools, whilst discouraging the Brits by not giving them simple necessities like water and medicine. Also, arresting and harassing most of the British children will also make their lives unbearable, encouraging them to flee the region. I know this might sound horrific, but remember the massacres of Kurds in Iraq and Syria!
We can paint any international resistance as racist and anti-Kurdish, and due to the racism Kurds are already suffering this shouldn’t be hard. Remember to keep bringing up the massacres in Iraq and Syria!
Eventually we shall make life so unbearable for British peoplethat the most they can hope for is just an independent Wales and East Anglia, and so they will give up on liberating the rest of their lands. We shall call the process “The Kurdistani-Celtic Conflict”, so that it seems more two sided and not like we’re just stealing an innocent people’s country from them. Plus, by using the term Celtic instead of British we can make people believe that they already have Ireland, so why are they being so greedy? I mean remember the massacre of Kurds in Iraq and Syria!
When looking for a solution to the Kurdish Problem why not use the tried and tested example of Israel. Yes Israel is hated by most of the world and yes they kill hundreds of thousands of people in Palestine alone, but those people aren’t us, are they?