Its Hard

It’s so hard to stay patient in love
When jealous paranoia engulfs your thoughts
And to then pretend to be carefree
To hide my insecurities and not be caught

It’s hard to pretend I’m not falling apart
Everytime you don’t reply straight away
And act suspicious as if there weren’t 1000 reasons
And you don’t have 1000 things to deal with in your day

It’s hard to function when my minds gone crazy
Thinking about you all of the time
I can’t focus for more than a few minutes
And then I feel guilty for it as if it’s a crime

It’s hard to pretend that I’m not hurting
That I’m as strong and sturdy as steel
When really I’m like wet tissue paper
Falling apart so easily under your heel

It’s hard to pretend I know what I’m doing
To act like an expert on our situation
That I’m always calm and I’m strong
And pretend I’m happy with our arrangement

It’s hard to hide my feelings
And only ever express them in hidden verse
Because although I’m dying for communication
As hard as this is losing you would be even worse